We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
