Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
