this beer tastes like vomit already
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
