So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I still have a little drunk in my system
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
