Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
