so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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