Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
