You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
