I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
