addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Randomize
