I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
