Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it glows. i had to have it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
