Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
