Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i dont even know how to be here
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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