just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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