I will die if light touches me.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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