that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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