this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Randomize
