respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
