Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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