ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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