I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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