Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
