every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
