Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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