it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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