God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
