This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
