I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My vagina is officially offended.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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