if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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