i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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