What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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