I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
only if we run a train.
done.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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