I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
