This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
