i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
