jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
