His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
