I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
