I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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