glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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