You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
