You can't motorboat a personality
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
