I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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