Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
