Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
