hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Randomize
