you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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