i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Randomize
