i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
