She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
